The Holiday Season is a special time of year, and hate it or love it (“the underdog’s on top. And I’m gon’ shine homey until my heart stop” – The Game), it’s here. As a kid, it was all about Christmas morning. As a teenager, it was all about hanging out at packed shopping malls and, of course, Christmas morning. Now as an adult, it’s all about surviving and still, Christmas morning. We figured it was time to pass along some coffee pro-tips to help you get through another year. Coffee is great for stimulating conversation, curbing the effects of alcohol, and fighting off the itis. All crucial at a holiday party.
The Holiday Party Guest
We’ll start with the easy one. The attendee. You’re already stoked. Whatever the event is, it ain’t at your pad, and that’s fantastic. This gives you a great opportunity to put in a little thought and come off like a hero. There are a couple moves you can make depending on what time of day the event is at. We’ll look at them in reverse order starting with evening events and working to the big show, Christmas morning.
Dinner/Evening
Here’s the play when the sun goes down. Before you head over, grab a bag of quality medium to light roast ground coffee. The lighter the roast, the higher the caffeine content, all the better to ward off booze and the itis. But watch out, light roast can also make a more bitter brew. That’s why quality is important, so don’t skimp on price; it is the holidays after all. If you really want to step it up, grab a box of raw sugar packets and a pint of organic half and half and for that extra extra mile, grab some non-dairy, NON-POWDERED creamer. A small carton of almond or coconut milk is more than fine. The extra stuff will cost you maybe an extra 5-7 bucks but make you look like a brew boss in the process.
Lunch/Afternoon
This move isn’t so different from the nighttime play but you must consider a few factors unique to mid-day coffee drinking. You’re likely talking post-meal coffee and ideally, less booze than the nighttime counterpart. So, it’s not about sobering up so much as complementing the meal and fighting the afternoon snoozle. The biggest change is going to be the roast you choose. This time grab that same quality bag of coffee but snag the dark roast. Dark roast is going to have a deeper and smokier flavor, which neatly accents all the sweet treats, pies, and cakes that come with the holidays. The long roast cycle needed to get that deep rich flavor also burns off some extra caffeine. This makes for a more mellow brew ensuring you won’t be up all night.
The Big Show, Christmas Morning
Time to step up. If you’re heading to a family or friend’s house for a full-blown holiday morning party then, they need you. Your friends/family might not say it, but they really need you, and coffee is a great way to change the game. There are three moves:
- Brew a batch of cold brew the night before. And make it a big batch. Cold brew has a low acid content making it easy to drink and extra caffeine due to the longer brew cycle. (Cold Brew How To).
- Show up with a bag of medium roast, cream/sugar, and a bottle of some good whiskey. Chances are someone, if not all the adults, will need a drink at some point. Cold brew and whiskey are also surprisingly great together.
- If you really want to ball out and change a life then make the sacrifice, take their orders and find a coffee shop that’s still open. And no matter what size they tell you, order them the large and yes, they want whipped cream. If you do hit the coffee shop please, please, please tip the poor bastards working the counter. I spent a lot of years in customer service, and let’s just say the holidays can be tough.
The Holiday Host
First of all, good luck and godspeed. Now as for the coffee. The advice for hosting holiday events is not so different from attending an event except you’re providing the brewing mechanisms and mugs. The mugs are easy; just make sure you have enough, and they don’t need to be fancy. There is a certain American diner charm that comes with the plain ceramic coffee mug. Ain’t no shame in that game and they are cheap.
As for the machines, there’s no need to break the bank. Get a decent coffee pot; it doesn’t have to be anything special; it just needs to be clean and work. Next snag a good French press. They are super easy to use, make great coffee, look good on the counter, and you will impress your guests with that little extra effort. As for single-serve pods and whatnot, they don’t exist in my world.
Morning, Noon, and Night
So you have your two machines and it’s go time; the rest is pretty simple. Grab two bags of coffee, one dark and one medium to light roast. Now, you are basically just getting what’s needed for a bad ass coffee bar. The type of coffee bar that will blow away friends and in-laws alike.
- Raw Sugar Packets
- Organic Half/Half
- Organic Almond/Coconut creamer. Almond milk works if you can’t find coffee creamer
- Some kind of fake sugar like stevia
- Cinnamon
- Nutmeg
- Cocoa powder
- Stir sticks and a stack of napkins
Now go home, set that up on a countertop somewhere out of the way, turn the coffee to brew and don’t forget to grab yourself a cup. Other than that, you’re done. You’ve set up a self-serve coffee bar so you won’t have to deal with it and can now go back to doing all the other stuff that goes into hosting a holiday party. One last tip is to leave the ground coffee and filters out on the counter. Adults can brew their coffee if the machine is empty, and it’s one less thing for you to have to worry about.
The Works of Peter C. Knochel 